Seriously . . . Respect the Monkey

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Gone Dancing with the Monkey
Andrew L Simpson Jr

 I drink golden monkey so often, It is impossible to pick one memorable moment.  So, I decided to scour all my stories and draw five recurring themes that is common to each.Theme  #1Golden Monkey makes pants less comfortable.Every time I drink more than three G-Munks at some point in time during the evening the term 'Sans Pants' is used, and never at an opportune time. Such as, while sitting outside and talking to the neighbors, and eating dinner with the family.Theme #2Golden Monkey makes dog treats look great and taste better.If that sentence drew scoffs, thats good, because it should have. I ate the remainder of a bag of dog treats. They aren't as bad as they sound, kind of like saw dust mixed with horse meat. Theme #3People do not listen to Golden Monkey Warnings before drinking it.I have gifted alot of GM in my day. Every time I day, I exclaim, drink with caution, do not drink all of this in one sitting. Every time I get a call back within a fortnight from these very same people telling me they probably should have listened, and also how great GM isTheme #4Golden Monkey is a powerful truth serumSodium Pentathol is crap compared to this stuff. I have explained, with great relish, exactly what I felt and thought to people who didn't need to or want to know what I thought and felt. Water boarding is extremely inefficient compared to the power of this magical concoction Theme #5Golden Monkey is greatEveryone has a good time drinking it, even with all the wackiness that happens as a result of GM people will usually drink it again (and respect it too). It tastes great and goes good with food. Imbibe carefully, Imbibe in good spirits and RESPECT THE MONKEY!!!
I will leave you with some thoughts I wrote down after I drank a couple servings of Golden Monkey
"Okay, Look. Dominos Pizza has been selling Hawaiian Pizza for a long time now. And the toppings on that pizza is Pineapple and Ham. Okay, so I can understand pineapple but Ham?!? So pineapple is a native fruit to the hawaiian Islands but I'm pretty sure that Swine domestication was brought by Europeans. That being said what would be a more fitting topping. Spam? Well they Hawaiians sure do love this canned meat byproduct, but its not really "hawaiian". Well what speicies of meat would be native to hawaii. Hawaii has several native bats. No, Birds, No. Well what animal is native to Hawaii. People. Hmmm. And what animal is closest to Humans when it comes to flesh density skin type weight and diet. Hmmmm. Let me think. Pork. Thats right folks People are the other other white meat. So next time you eat a Hawaiian Pizza it really should be Pineapple and Kame'o'e'a as the toppings. 

If you google the word sad batmans, there are strangely large amount of image results that actually bear an image of sad batman. 

Society is adamant about keeping everyone at the top of the bell curve and the penalties for breaking the curve on the way up are more severe than really screwing up bad. 

Watching David Bowie and Mick Jagger in the 80s is the musical version of staring at the sun 

Even catching fish in fishnets make them look like whores, especially when the fish dress like avril lavinge. 

If you go to a medical supply store and ask for Ether and a Fletcher Knife and pay for it with Gunieas, what do you think would happen? 

How could Kenneth Branagh be in so many great movies and then agree to do Wild Wild West? 

Jesus definately liked to Partay. 

Eplilets and Capes were never in style anyway, So who cares if I wear the,=m 


Post Comment
Pamela Simpson It's all true! (Oh dear! I can't believe that I just admitted that I watched my husband eat dog treats.)
August 20 2010
Andrew L Simpson Jr Make sure to vote for my Golden Monkey story
August 23 2010
Andrew L Simpson Jr Who doesn't love dancing with the Monkey. Vote for my shameful and outrageous tale!
September 02 2010
Andrew L Simpson Jr Last day to vote for my shameful story. If you haven't make sure to today.
September 15 2010
Pamela Simpson VOTE FOR ANDREW!
September 15 2010
Pamela Simpson I hate to admit this but Andrew drank an entire growler of Golden Monkey by himself 2 weeks ago. Of course he decided to taste our dog's favorite treat, a Greenie. Needless to say my dog was pissed.
September 15 2010
Paul Hill What did you think about this entry?
September 15 2010

Andrew L Simpson Jr
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